The Way We Talk
by TheDirectorH
Summary: In a post-apocalyptic world, Team 7 is a partial part of A.C.E., a secret organization dedicated to saving the world. Between double-crossing transvestites, a notorious band of criminals, and random explosions due to gypsy magic, can the world survive?
1. Prologue

_T_h**e** _W_a_**y**_ _W_e _T_al_k_

**_Alright, so this is the completely revamped version of TWWT. I started this story two years ago as a homework assignment to write a chapter about _something_ in a creative writing class. I have since then actually given it a—hold your breath—plot. I know. I'm shocked too. I intend to write about an hour on this a night and pray to God it actually gets finished, but…we'll see. _**

**Disclaimer:I wouldn't want to own Naruto with the amount of time and focus that has been spent on Kabuto instead of something actually interesting.**

_Summary: In a post-apocalyptic world, Team 7 is confronted with the threat of a Fourth World War, eternal Youth, and worse yet: themselves._

_**ACE Archives**_

_Sector: Alpha_

_Unit: 2_

_Section: 13_

_Recorded Audio_

_Categorized Under: Radio Transmission_

_**Official Report:**_

_Assignment Nature: Reconnaissance_

_Team: 7_

_Time: Between 9:26 p.m. and 9:29 p.m._

_Place:2735, North West 57th Street and O'farris_

_Objective: Find the DIAMOND in the rough. _

_Equipment: B6 transmission microphones, radio sets, and recorder. Standard A.C.E. Video camera._

_Captain: Agent 36845542, Haruno, Sakura. Codename: Cherry-chan_

_Sharpshooter: Agent 56289166, Uchiha, Sasuke. Codename: Lightening_

_Lookout: Agent 39523237, Uzumaki, Naruto. Codename: Sunshine_

_Transmission Written Legend_

_Captain:_Agent 36845542, Haruno, Sakura. Codename: Cherry-chan

_Sharpshooter:_Agent 56289166, Uchiha, Sasuke. Codename: Lightening

_Lookout:_**Agent 39523237, Uzumaki, Naruto. Codename: Sunshine**

I.E. One pause is approximately one second.

_Transmission Begin: 9:26 p.m._

(_Static_)

"**Sunshine to Cherry-chan. You've got company." **

"I can _see_ that, thanks."

"**Hey, don't hate. It's not my fault we got stuck with this lame-ass mission. Recon sucks."**

"Oh that's right, _you_ weren't the one who blew up the ware-house full of money out of misplaced anger. How is the underground, Lightening? Dark and wet?"

(_Pause)_

(_Pause_)

(_Pause_)

"…I know your position. I will shoot you." 

"**Aw, come on Mr. Emo-Pants, don't be a Debby Downer. You know Granny frowns upon inter-team violence. If you shoot Cherry-chan, then I'll be forced to blow you up. I don't think you get a second chance at probation: I'm pretty sure they'll just disband us." **

"If I got to shoot one of you, it'd be worth it."

"**HEY! Listen here, teme. I don't care who your family is, you couldn't kill me if you tried. Oh, wait. You already did. How did that turn out, bastard?" **

"As I recall, I kicked your ass. As a matter of fact, you only survived because of my family, dobe. So you can shut the fuck up now."

"Hey! Will you to shut up? In case you haven't noticed, we're in the middle of a mission and I do _not_ have the time to listen to you two bitch like twelve year old girls, is that clear? Now if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to—oh shit."

(_Pause_)

(_Pause_)

(_Pause_)

(_Static_)

"**Cherry? Hello? Cherry, you there?"**

"_Sakura_! Answer me!"

(_Pause_)

"Damnit."

_Transmission End: 9:29 p.m._


	2. Fresh to Death

_**A/N:**_ I...don't really know. There is no excuse for this monstrosity. Forgive me?

(**_Disclaimer: _**Never have and never will. 'nugh said homes.)

**_Summary: In a post-apocalyptic world Team 7 is a partial part of A.C.E. (Anit-Crimnal Employer), a secret organization in bed with several large governments. Between double-crossing transvestites, a notorious organization of psychopaths trying to overthrow the entire world, an impending war and random explosions caused by an inexplicable telepathic psychic who claims it's gypsy magic, can A.C.E., much less the _**___world_**_, survive? _**

**Chapter One:**

You're Fresh to Death

_(You'll be the Death of Me)_

_

* * *

  
_

If there is one thing I have learned in the past seventeen years of my distinctly unfeminine life, it's that you should never, _never_ throw a frag bomb against the wind. Because when that bomb explodes, it's like a micro nuclear warhead. And you know what? Crap flies everywhere. Even fifty pound pieces of reinforced _fire _proof steel beams. Now can you imagine what might happen if that beam hit you in the back? Yeah, it wouldn't be pleasant. Especially if you were just caught spying on the Akatsuki, the deadliest criminal organization that, coincidently, is your worst enemy _and_ the seven (now six, due to recent…events) most dangerous men in the whole freaking _polyverse_. That's right. _Polyverse_. That's like, ten times bigger than the universe. Not to mention that they are the craziest sons of bitches in the history of ever. And utterly brilliant, genius and every last one them is mother-freaking master mind. And they kind of want to enslave the free world for their own sick and twisted pleasure. So yeah, considering that I work for the best anti-bad guys (we can't really be called good guys. That would be a blatant lie. I always let water run longer than I should, and forget to recycle. So I guess we're bad good guys) on earth, this was not okay. Because now I'm hanging by my wrists in chains (which are chafing. Horribly) in the dungeon of some remote castle in an unheard of city/country. Well, probably. I was kind of unconscious when they dragged me here, but whatever.

My head was pounding in the annoying way that all heads pound when you have a concussion, and the impossibly bland stone walls were spinning a bit, but besides that I put to use all of my medical knowledge (which was quite a lot. I _am_ the medic, tech major and the interrogator in our team, meaning I am one of, if _the_, smartest people in A.C.E., which is made up of the most intelligently inclined. Except Naruto. He's…special.) to deduce that I was dehydrated and really, really freaking hungry. However, that did not stop my mind from working a million miles a minute.

First order of business: who the _hell_ threw that goddamned frag? My guess was Naruto, the idiot of our team. Stupid little boy probably forgot the number one rule in Explosive Warfare and Combat in all of the confusion. Good Lord did that kid have a Jesus complex (complete with walking on water. For real. He can do that). Secretly, deep, _deep_, down I felt that warm fuzzy feeling you get when you know someone was risking everything just to save you. But it was Naruto, so I ignored it.

Secondly, what happened to Sasuke? Why wasn't he watching the retard? That was the golden rule of Team Seven (you know, after not killing your teammates and the whole don't bug _Sasu-chan_ during his time of the month thing unless you want him to fry you. With his eyes. I know, cool ability, right? But I can crush mountains with my fist. I know you're body better than you can ever imagine, I can break every bone in your body with one hit, fix you, and then do it again. So suck on _that _while you're calling me annoying. Jerk). And that golden rule is to never, under any circumstance, leave Naruto alone with explosives. Or something not nonflammable. Or a spoon. Actually, just don't leave him alone. Sasuke, that complete egotistical _prude_ was probably being all hero-like and attempting to save my sorry ass. _What _a freaking overachiever.

Anyhow, there wasn't much to I could do about it now. Instead I concentrated on the reasons the Akatsuki might want me as a prisoner. First and for most was my medical abilities. I know for a fact Itachi (who happens to be Sasuke's older brother and the best, uh, "creation" since the birth of A.C.E. He also murdered a whole entire sector, including his parents. That's like, over thirty genetically enhanced supper-humans at once. Sasuke was going to shit kittens when all of this was over) was almost, if not already, blind thanks to the strain Sharingan (the whole eye-fire thing) puts on the eyes. And Deidara, the resident frizz machine, is terminally ill. Yup, you read that right. Deidara can shoot lighting from his freaking _fingertips_. Totally unfair. Also, the Akatsuki more than likely plans on torturing me for information on A.C.E., but that kind of seemed like a downer, so I don't really want to think about it.

I leaned back against the wall, wincing at uneven (and cold. Really cold) stone digging into my back. Could a notorious band of criminals _pick_ a worse piece of real state? I mean, how hard could it be to find a nice, decent six-thousand square foot mansion with a built in torture chamber? Don't even get me started on the humidity. We were obviously by a large body of water, or in a rainy area, but I haven't heard any rain, so I'll assume the later. And whose idea was that anyway? Did they forget that one of their uh, partners, if you could call him that, was a lightning fanatic and would likely electrocute everyone? Apparently not, seeing as how my hair was curling at the tips and—_oh Mary mother of God._ I had been so caught up in my thoughts I hadn't heard the giant medieval door/deathtrap swing open. My mouth popped open and I could only stare in utter disbelief, unable to process the living being in front of me. Sadly, the first thing to come from my lips were not words of ferocity, demanding retribution for the lack of standard prisoner-capture comfort. No, what I said was decidedly less cool.

"What the hell? What are you doing here? I killed you!" Sasori, the guy I _killed_, managed to look amused, bored, and deeply unimpressed all at once.

"Maybe next you'll be sure to check if you opponent is dead, eh little spy?" The shock I felt at that moment completely overrode my indignation at the insinuation of my height, and instead I tried to come with all of the possibilities of this being a dream.

"Dude, I freaking crushed your heart with my bare hand! How much more dead can you _get_?"

"Don't you think I should be asking the questions here?"

"No! I think you should be _dead_!" I was shrieking now, my voice reaching decibels unknown to mankind. That was defiantly the shock talking. "And in case you don't remember, when we met last year, we fought to your supposed death!"

"Believe me; I remember that day _very_ clearly." Despite the fact that I had no inclination of believing _anyone_ in this godforsaken place, I shivered at his rather wide smile. _What a creeper._

I stared up into his brown eyes, challenging.

He stared back, wholly unemotional and daring me to break the silence. I was the first to look away, slightly disturbed by nothingness I found there.

"So you _were_ dead?" I asked, just to be clear.

"Yes." He nodded.

"And now you're not."

"That is correct."

"…are you--?"

"_**No**_. Do you _see_ any fangs?" Maybe not, but that doesn't mean _anything_! Has he never seen Twilight?

"Oh. Well it couldn't hurt to ask."

Insert creeper smile here.

"Trust me, it could."

"Um." I glanced around nervously, trying not to think about the mentally unstable man in front of me and the fact that I was particularly venerable. "So how exactly are you…not dead?"

Sasori smiled, jingling the ring of keys that had mysteriously appeared from nowhere. "The wonderful Leader and Konan used their expansive knowledge in the art of southern voodoo to, ah, revive me."

I stared for a half a second. And then snorted. "So you guys are literally raising the dead, huh?"

"Yes." He finally unlocked my cell door, placing the keys somewhere in one of his back pockets. In the far reassesses of my mind I realized something was very wrong with this. Did he think I wouldn't fight like hell as soon as he stepped out of the way?

"But something is wrong with one of you, otherwise I wouldn't be here." I always knew following in my mentor's footsteps would bite me in the ass. Sasori smirked, but remained silent. "What does that mean for me, exactly?"

The cell opened all the way and before I could even comprehend what was happening I was pinned to the monstrosity that was the wall, my cheek scrapping against the rock. My hands were bent behind my back and his legs were pinning down mine, making me altogether unmovable. I felt Sasori's breath against my hair and every self preservation instinct I've had beat into me since I was born was screaming at me to get as far away from this man as possible.

"It means, dearest, that you're going to be our guest a while longer."

And then I felt his hands on my neck, on a familiar pressure point and all was black.

In hind sight, I really should have seen that coming.

* * *

Hmm...I am hungary. Think I'll go hunt down some cheese...tacos, maybe? Anyway, if you like tacos than I think you should review. And if you don't then...you just aren't human, you vile, vile thing. Oh, and uh, your face. Also, as far as pairing goes...I'm not sure. But there will be romance! Harem, possibly? Yes, no, maybe so?


End file.
